Horrific Z
by Amaxing
Summary: This is what happens when you listen to Tenacious D while writing fan fiction...  Rated M for strong language in the Lyrics.


Disclaimer: One Piece no mine. Also, I am not Tenacious D, seeing as they're more then one person.

Song: Beelzeboss (Final Showdown) by Tenacious D

Horrific Z

"Hey Zoro, look at this!" said Sanji.

"Gosh, it must be important if you're showing it to me."

"You're the only other person on the ship Zoro, believe me, I tried."

"Ah well, can't win 'em all, now what is it?"

"I got this weird toothpick in town." He held the pick up. It was green, ornately designed, and put off a strange demonic glow.

"It looks like someone rolled it in green goop, is that all?"

"No, there's more, you see, I had it in my mouth in town, and, for some reason, every girl I passed all of a sudden tried to make out with me…here, watch."

He put the pick in his mouth, and walked off the ship to a girl who was passing by. The girl dropped everything, leapt at Sanji, and kissed him full mouth. Sanji pulled the pick out of his mouth, and the girl left. He climbed back aboard the Thousand Suns. "See?"

"That's some pretty powerful magic if it makes girls do _that_ to you…"

"Yeah, I know…HEY!"

"I stand by it."

"It was destiny that brought me this pick… I shall use it, and the whole world's women shall be mine!"

Zoro plucked the pick out of Sanji's hand. "I don't think so," he said, and he tossed it in the ocean.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"DID SOMEONE SAY HELL?"

The ocean bubbled and smoked at the spot where the pick had gone under. Then, from nowhere, Davy Jones (AKA the devil) appeared. He sang (for some reason) in a deep, throaty, demonic voice.

Jones: _I AM COMPLETE!_

Sanji and Zoro: _Fuuuck_

Jones:

_YES YOU ARE FUCKED,_

_SHIT OUT OF LUCK!_

_NOW I'M COMPLETE AND MY COCK YOU WILL SUCK!_

_THIS WORLD WILL BE MINE,_

_AND YOUR FIRST IN LINE!_

_YOU BROUGHT ME THE PICK AND NOW YOU SHALL BOTH DIE!_

Zoro:

_Waaait Waaait Waaait you motherfucker!_

_We challenge you to a rock off!_

_Give us one chance to blow your socks off._

Sanji smacked Zoro on the shoulder. "What are you _doing?_" We don't know how to ROCK!"

"I know, but I heard somewhere that it's the only kind of challenge that the devil accepts."

"That is the _stupidest_ thing I've ever…"

Jones:

_FUCK! FUCK!_

_FUUUCK, THE DEMON CODE PREVENTS ME,_

_FROM DECLINING A ROCK OFF CHALLENGE!_

_WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS?_

_WHAT'S THE CA-A-ATCH?_

Zoro turned to Sanji and smirked. "Told you."

Zoro:

_If we win,_

_you must take your sorry ass back to hell_

_and also you will have to make sure there are no more Sanji/Zoro yaoiiiiiiis._

Jones:

_AND WHAT IF I WIN?_

_Zoro:_

_Then you can take Sanji back to hell…_

_Sanji: What?_

_Zoro: Hey, this way I win either way._

_Sanji: What the fuck are you talking about?_

_Zoro: To be your little bitch_

Jones:

_FINE!_

_LET THE ROCK OFF BEGIN HAHAHA!_

_I'M THE DEVIL,_

_I LOVE METAL!_

_CHECK THIS RIFF,_

_IT'S FUCKIN TASTY!_

_I'M THE DEVIL I CAN DO WHAT I WANT_

_WHATEVER I'VE GOT I'M GONNA FLAUNT!_

_THERE'S NEVER BEEN A ROCK OFF THAT I'VE EVER LOST!_

_I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE SANJI BACK TO HELL_

_I'M GONNA FILL HIM WITH MY HOT DEMON GEL!_

_I'LL MAKE HIM SQUEAL LIKE A SCARLET PIMPERNEL!!_

Sanji turns to Zoro. Zoro shrugs indifferently.

Sanji_: NOOOO! C'mon, let's do this!_

Zoro_: Are you kidding me? There's just no way that we can win that was a masterpiece_

Sanj_i: Listen to me…_

Zoro_: He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man_

Sanji_: God dammit Zoro!_

_He's gonna make me his sex slave,_

_I'm gonna gargle Mayonnaise_

Zoro_: So?_

Sanji_: Unless we bust a massive monster mamajam_

Zoro_: Dude, you've put me through so much shit_

Sanji_: If you help me then the ladies, I will quit._

Zoro: Heck, I'd like to see you try.

Both_: Now it's time to blow this fucker down_

"Alright!" said Zoro. "You go get pots and pans from the kitchen and play them as drums, I'll play the saw!"

"The saw?"

"Long story, get going!"

Zoro_: C'mon Sanji now it's time to blow doors down_

Sanji_: I hear you Zoro now it's time to blow doors down_

Zoro_: Light up the stage 'cause its time for a showdown_

Sanji_: We'll bend you over then we'll take it around town_

Both_: Now we've got to blow this fucker down_

Sanji_: He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down_

Zoro_: C'mon Sanji 'cause it's time to blow doors down_

Sanji_: OOOOOOh we'll pile drive ya, it's time for the smack down!_

Zoro whispered under his breath. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know! I'm trying to save my skin here!"

"Fine."

Zoro_: Hey anti-christ-a, Beelzeboss,_

_We know your weakness, our rock it sauce_

_We rock the ocean, and blow your mind_

_We will defeat you, for all mankind_

_You hold the scepter we hold the key_

_You are the devil we are the Z_

BOTH_: We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z, We are the Z!_

Jones:

_YOU GUYS ARE FUCKIN LAME! COME ON SANJI YOUR COMIN WITH ME!_

_TASTE MY LIGHTNING FUCKERS!_

Zoro_: NOOOO!_ (Blocks lightning with swords)

(Jones' horn gets snapped off by the lightning)

Jones

_OW, FUCK_

_MY FUCKIN HORN!_

_OHH NO_

Sanji_: From whence you came you shall remain,_

_Until you are complete again!_

Jones:

_NOOOOO!_

_FUCK YOU SANJI! _

_AND FUCK YOU ZORO!_

_I'LL GET YOU HORRIFIC Z!!!!!!_

Jones sank back down into the ocean, doomed to stay until he was complete again.

"Where did you get that spell-thing from?" asked Zoro.

"It was in one of the books that Robin was reading."

Zoro rolled his eyes. Then he realized the full implication of the statement. "HEY! YOU WEREN'T?"

"Don't worry, I borrowed it, I wasn't peeking. Thanks for saving me, by the way."

"Heck, it wasn't for you, I just wanted to see how long you'd keep that 'no women' promise."

"I've kept it for too long already, now if you excuse me…" He examined the horn, and then stuffed it down his shirt. "…I have ladies to flirt with." And he was gone.

Zoro just shook his head. Even a fury hell hath not known couldn't tear Sanji away from the ladies.

End. I feel it necessary to put a second Disclaimer: I don't own this song! But I still messed around with it and made a fic anyway! Please don't sue/hate me!


End file.
